Bi-Monthly By Ryan #27

Dear Comrades,

“Don’t you realize you’re losing a child,” I said to my adoptive mother in my dream last night, so forcefully that it woke me up. When I started saying the sentence I was most definitely asleep, and when I finished I was most definitely awake. We were in the place I go to when we have the conversations in my dreams that she denies me in real life, which was inside of a three-story decaying Baltimore rowhome on a glass boat which contains the dining room of my childhood dining room when it was painted orange and yellow, except the table is turned the other way, which is how I know it’s a dream.

I do not like to be witnessed when I sleep. My sleep has always been so weird. Last night, I shared a room with my dear sister-friend wren, who was startled awake with me.

We had a conversation. I had never had a conversation with anyone after waking myself up in such a way. While we were talking, I realized how much I wake myself up like this, but no one is ever around to witness, and so I forget as quickly as I fall back asleep.

I am the only blood member of my family I know, and so I always treat myself with consideration, decency, and respect. This is my reality. I found myself saying these words last night at an adoptee support group, and I felt so empowered.

Being estranged from my family has been the hardest and best thing I have ever done. I miss them so much sometimes I feel physical pain. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

I have become my own home. I did so by way of writing. I am so excited to have made it to this point in my life because now I get to share my practice, process, and story with all of you.

I have become my own home. As I do so, I realize I have been my own—and in many ways only—home for way too long. As I make my way into new communities, families, and friendships, my life is literally changing in ways that I never could have imagined, that feel so damn good I refuse to deny myself the fruit of the incredibly difficult to the point of being almost impossible to do labor I have been doing for/on/with myself (but I did it, and I continue to do so!).

Please pay attention to my ongoing opportunities below. I update my ongoing items weekly. There are especially important announcements this week.

The GoFundMe is closing on Monday, September 22, 2025—please make any last minute donations, knowing how much I will appreciate any support you are able to offer. There are three spots left in the third run of Letters to Our Homes. The last virtual session (for now) of The Adoptee Open Mic will be on Monday, November 3 at 7pm EST, as I take necessary time away to re-imagine the event, and my life.

Love, Ryan

linktr.ee/ryanartes

Ongoing:

• I am teaching the third run of Letters to Our Homes, a generative letter writing workshop for Black and Brown adoptees. This is the last of a series of three newsletters in which I will share history, information, and reviews about my upcoming class. This newsletter features reviews from Letters to Our Homes #1. <3

• The next session of The Adoptee Open Mic is on Monday, November 3, 2025 at 7pm EST (sign up here!). I am taking the month of October off for an intentional vacation and time for rest. After November’s event, I will be taking an indefinite break from hosting virtual gatherings. <3

• Please contribute to my GoFundMe campaign if you can afford to do so. I am closing my mutual aid campaign on Monday, September 22, 2025. I will write about the lessons I learned and offer gratitude to donors and organizers who supported me along the way in a future newsletter. <3