Bi-Monthly By Ryan #26

Dear Comrades,

While I was at the BIPOC Adoptees Conference I attended an estrangement support group, at which I estimate over 50 of us were in the room. I was surrounded by my Black and Brown peers. Many of us were queer, trans, and nonbinary.

We shared our lived experiences of estrangement with each other. I was so clearly able to see the problem was not us adoptees, but rather our families in general, and our parents in particular, who so clearly never healed from their own traumas. I was relieved by how much I related to so many parts of each story shared, and how much of myself I heard, and felt, in the stories of everyone present.

Estrangement is such an isolating experience. I have done so much work to combat loneliness in my life. I learned by way of teaching myself how to be alone, and how to transmute such aloneness into solitude.

I made my way away from isolation and into solitude by way of writing. My writing practice is based around letters I write to and from myself, about my practice, process, and—perhaps most importantly—self care. I now aim to share my methods and strategies with my community.

In so many ways, my families and my homelands have failed me. I write my way into the understanding that I can be my family, and I can be my homeland, and in these ways I can rely on myself. But I don’t want to have to continue to do this work alone.

This is one of the reasons why I started teaching Letters to Our Homes. I wanted to share my practice and process with others who might find it helpful. In the process of doing so, I find I have created such a precious and special container of healing by way of writing together.

While writing Letters to Our Homes together, we get to experience a homeland and family with/in each other. I have gathered a lovely group of writers for the third run of Letters to Our Homes, many returning from past sessions. Please see the flyer below for more information and reach out to me directly to sign up.

I was late to the estrangement support group because I was chatting with someone in the hall (of course!). Because of where I was sitting in the room, it was my turn to share my story almost immediately. I did not have much time to settle myself or listen to others for a model of how I might share my own story. 

I felt relieved to share my story out loud, to people who actually have the capacity to understand my lived experiences because of their own. Afterwards, I received comments about the positivity of my approach to understanding my lived experiences. I also received affirmations and for the ways in which I am proceeding with my life, as a result of the life I have lived, which were so nice to hear, and which I carry along with me.

Love, Ryan <3

linktr.ee/ryanartes

Ongoing:

• I am teaching the third round of Letters to Our Homes, a generative letter writing workshop for Black and Brown adoptees. This is the second of a series of newsletters in which I will share history, information, and reviews about my upcoming class. See more information on the flyer below. <3

• The next session of The Adoptee Open Mic is on Monday, September 1, 2025 at 7pm EST. I am taking the month of August off for an intentional vacation and time for rest. Sign up here to get access to the link to join. <3

• Donate to Split This Rock, who published my poem on The Quarry, A Social Justice Poetry Database. Here is the full statement regarding the fate of the organization, which has received some awesome support so far. There are so many causes worthy of y/our support right now, and Split This Rock is one of them. <3

• Please contribute to my GoFundMe campaign if you can afford to do so. I am closing my mutual aid campaign on the Autumnal Equinox. I will write about the lessons I learned and offer gratitude to donors and organizers who supported me along the way in a future newsletter. <3